Married American couple Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee are a walking, talking advertisement for their book, The New Couple, and the seminars and workshops they spin from it. Married for 12 years, these psychotherapists say they are firm believers in the 10 new laws of love they espouse in their book — new as opposed to old-fashioned practices such as never going to bed angry and doing something nice for each other each day.

"Without the 10 new laws, we would have divorced long before this," says
McGee, a brassy 47-year-old blonde who looks 10 years younger. Relationship education is the key, she says. "We've been hypnotised to believe that we can stay in love forever and ever. The traditional couple believe instinct is enough. People embrace technology, they are so happy to upgrade their stereo system, but not their relationship skills."

Chipping in, Taylor, 42, says: "We're not ashamed if something is wrong with our health, but people are shamed when something is wrong with their relationships." Based on 12 years of clinical experience — including five years in Singapore — the book attempts to explain 'why the old rules don't work and what does', as it is spelt out on the book jacket.

Their work involved more than 50 cultures, including Chinese, Malay, Indian and mixed couples, as well as their personal relationship histories. Along with the book, they have come up with a series of workshops and seminars targeted not only at couples, but also singles looking for advice on how to make a relationship work before they get into one. As McGee says: "You would not get into a Lear jet with a co-pilot who hasn't read the manual."

Their series of workshops here from Friday is their first in Singapore. Touchy-feely and lovey-dovey with each other, it is hard to believe they once did not believe in marriage. Before they met in San Francisco 14 years ago while doing their master's degrees in counselling psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, they had both suffered a series of long-term relationships which did not lead to marriage.

Having worked here in private practice from 1993 to 1997 with Sinda, Mendaki and Ministry of Community Development (MCD), the American husband-and-wife team, who now live in Sausalito, California, conclude that relationship problems are universal.

While in Singapore, they crystallised the ideas for their 10 new laws, which were subsequently published in a pamphlet by the MCD. Titled "Are You A New Couple?," it was distributed free to newlyweds at the Registry of Marriages from 1994 to 1997.

Taylor notes that there are some cultural differences, and explains: "In Singapore, people are more subtle than in the West, where we're more obvious in the way we act out. Asians are not so crass." While he says Westerners tend to vent their anger by shouting, Asians are more likely to simmer in anger.

Taking up easily where he left off, his wife says: "In the Asian culture, there is the silent treatment. Shutting out is a peaceful solution, but it is also a form of psychological punishment."

Their book — which the childless couple call their 'kid' — took them seven years to produce, and was published in the United States in 2000. It has a section on how to identify the 15 ways of acted-out anger, one of which is the silent treatment. Their sixth law of love, peacemaking, shows a way to manage anger using the time-out tool, resolve conflict, and create negotiable agreements.

As living examples of the effectiveness of their 10 new laws, they say they put them into practice daily. For instance, deep listening time is set aside religiously every week. They spend at least 10 minutes each talking about their feelings, using "I" statements, without interruptions. "When you do enough listening sessions, when she says something important, I drop everything and listen," Taylor says, revealing that they discovered the lost art of listening on their honeymoon.

"Our chemistry started dying in the middle of our honeymoon, when we were in Thailand,' he says, his fingers brushing and lingering on her upper arm as they sit side by side. 'It was an emotional arctic zone in the middle of the heat. So we sat in the sand and listened to each other without any cross-talk.

But if Taylor and McGee sound like the perfect New Couple, they are quick to explain that they worked their way to it. They have weathered their share of problems, including two break-ups before they got hitched, their five-year age gap, their income inequality (she has a substantial inheritance), a miscarriage and being with each other 24/7 due to their work.

"The New Couple is not the perfect couple. The difference is that the New Couple knows how to get out of trouble," says McGee. "We're a work in progress. But all couples are a work in progress.'